Updated: Sep 30, 2018
What do we women excel at? Talking? And are equally perplexed why men don’t!
Every relationship has its ups and downs especially if you have been in it for the long haul, in my 30 plus years relationship we have seen a fair share of both.
The most significant challenge has been communication or lack thereof. Women talk too much, and men, not enough is the familiar cry, and I think that is pretty relevant for most.
Not talking enough?
Okay gents, we don’t need to have you pouring out your feelings every moment of the day, but sometimes a hint of what is going on behind the dark still waters of your mind would be handy.
To be fair my husband was brought up in the era of, be tough, men don’t cry and as a bonus, Italian to boot, how much more masculine and alpha male can you get!
Growing up in an environment where emotions were systematically taught to be buried and not expressed certainly can make marriage a challenge. Perhaps that is why men love sports so much, release all the pent-up aggression. What happens when sport is no longer a physical outlet, when the aches and pains of working hard for the last thirty-something years start to creep into daily life?
So enter the age of what do I do now? Their emotions have been ‘boxed’ away for so long and having no obvious physical outlet such as sports the realisation occurs that they have very few resources developed to deal with the changing landscape of their life. Maybe they find a hobby, great, but ultimately I think the more common response is bury the emotion ‘box’ even deeper.
Talking too much?
Are we? Probably..
We feel the need to find out what is going on, what is the cause of something, how else can we ‘fix’ it? My goal is to learn how to listen, listen with the intent of understanding and not necessarily always with the need to reply. What is that old saying ‘We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
Do we want the shortcut to what is going on? Sure, I know mind reading was never in my skill set. But as we often hear, we don’t always get what we want and perhaps talking it to death is not the answer either.
Perhaps the most under utilised form of communication is action and overlooked as a useful tool for you both to reach middle ground. Improving interactions with each other, being ‘present’ will go a long way after all ‘actions speak louder than words’, so go ahead and put the phone down. Being mindful of each other and both partners showing appreciation through simple acts like making a cup of tea, sharing chores, organising a date night, watching an action movie when all you really wanted was a chick flick is not to be overlooked, as long it really is a two-way street. Next movie night the Notebook…….hahahahaha..
Naturally, problems don’t magically disappear and discussion is inevitable, but if we improve our interactions, perhaps we will spend a lot less time talking about what should have been laid to rest a long time ago.