In The Silence of Night

What makes us question our life? Have you ever looked around in the silence of the night or the quiet of the moment and imagined about if you took a different direction in life? If you took a left instead of a right when a decision crossed your path, would you be better off? Would you have everything you desired and expected or would you be worse off? You will never know...

I believe, and I could be wrong, but as I have aged (like a bottle of wine), I have come to believe there are no coincidences. I think that we are where we are supposed to be in our life. I don't have all the answers to the questions in the universe, but for me, I think where I am is where I am supposed to be, with all that it brings. The good, the bad, the unknown, the confusion, the happiness and the sadness....

Age is a significant factor in this thought process of reflection. The early 20's are so carefree, late 20's early 30's for most are about finding our life partner, having children and setting up home. Late 30's we are looking after our family, trying to create a financial future and usually giving every part of us to that cause. Early to mid 40's we start to realise all the things we missed, all the things we should have done, wanted to do, never did, didn't do and start to panic that we are old...(Really? are we that old...no). And then the desire to do them sets in, thoughts of; "you have one last chance to do them, complete them, achieve them ....its now or never, no regrets..... "

But the art of understanding where I am at and what I can now pursue and what I am willing to lose to do it. This is where decisions are not to be taken lightly. I am not sure what my late 40's to early 50's will bring, hopefully not regret of what I did or did not do in my 40's.....

If only we have the answers to what our future holds or looks like, but we don't, I guess this is the game of life. The game where the finish line is when you can sit back and say I did the things I wanted to do, I am happy, content, I took the risk, I lived! If I don't think I will possess those feelings, now is the time to change course...

What happens if some of those things you want to do will affect the ones that mean the most to you? I guess that is a question that can only be answered by oneself, can you look back and be ok with not fulfilling your passions.

We really do have only one life to live.....

When we start to change it, it does not have to be in a bad context or mean the end of everything we have now. When we reevaluate our life, it also makes us look at what do we want to keep and who we want with us on this journey. It makes the important list come to life, and if you want it all you have to make it work that way...

It made me think about where to start, all the emotions can be overwhelming if you are far from where you thought you would be. It feels like starting over, but it doesn't have to be. The thing we do know is that anything worth having will not be easy to achieve, and if I am ok with that, then that is my first step. Acknowledge my journey may not be smooth, but fulfilment in life is what I want.

When I felt empty, my search lead me, to me. I started looking at me before anyone else. I controlled my thoughts and feelings, I was overweight, and for me, it governed my whole life. My world left me feeling sad and wanting to hide. I knew I needed to shed that feeling; I knew I needed to start feeling better about myself before being able to think about anything else in my life I wanted to change. Weight gain had shaded my life with sadness, that I, my husband and kids did not need, and not to say that big is not beautiful, but it did not make me feel beautiful, it did not make me feel good.

Weight loss was step 1 for me, even though I had tackled this issue many times before. As we age the importance of health grows stronger. This time I need to surround myself with people on the same journey. People with the same mindset to help me achieve my goal, so the journey of change has began for me, and one I will share with you ...



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